When starting this blog, I figured I would write stories in order of my experiences and how I progressed. I also knew that I wanted my blog to be “raw.” What does that mean to me, exactly? Well, to me, it means that I’m not going to hold anything back. I’m going to talk about exactly how I felt, or what I thought, or what I did, rather than be embarrassed by my own actions or fears, because we’re all afraid of something, right? We’ve all done embarrassing things. We’ve all been insecure. And I wanted to put all of that out there in my writing.
But with this post, I’m going to step out of order, and write about something that’s been weighing heavily on my mind. Honestly, for some reason, it came to mind the other night just as I crawled in bed. I narrated this whole post in my mind while I tossed and turned and tried to sleep. Really, I should have just gotten up and written the darn thing, but here we are.
It didn’t occur to me just how much I would come to love riding my bike. It has done so much for me, and that’s a big part of why I started blogging about it in the first place. It’s something I’ve become passionate about, and I want to share that passion, and that experience, with others. So, to give you a little more context, a little window into my life if you will, I’m going to give you some medical history. Settle in – this might take awhile…
When I was in college, I was diagnosed with depression. It was a really tough point in my life. Like a lot of other college kids, I was starting to experience a lot of overwhelming things: grown up relationships and breakups with serious feelings attached; balancing work with school and internships; balancing a full course load of sky high expectations, and a social life of staying out late and having as much fun as possible. For most, it’s our first real taste of adulthood, even though we often don’t make the most adult choices and decisions. And all of that is tough, right? I did well in school, but emotionally, I suffered.
When I finally visited a doctor, I was diagnosed with depression, and was started on medication. Those of you who have been down this road, know that this alone is a hurdle to overcome. You have to find the right dosage, or the right combination of medications – hell, you have to find the right medication! It takes time to see results, and during that time, you may experience side effects that may or may not go away. And when you’ve given that medication enough time, and find that it’s not working, or that one awful side effect isn’t going away, you can’t just stop taking this medicine – you have to be weaned off of it. And then you start all over, this time, with a different medication.
Through some trial and error, I eventually found what worked for me. Depression is likely something I will deal with, and take medicine for, for the rest of my life. Why am I telling you this? Because, RIDING MY BIKE.
We already know that exercise can help with the symptoms of depression. But riding my bike makes me HAPPY. I have never regretted riding my bike, or even riding on the trainer. But I HAVE regretted not riding at all. I don’t feel at my best if I’ve not been riding. When consistently riding, I’m just a little more happy, a little more energetic, a little more at peace. Ok, I know that so far my stories of bike riding haven’t exactly exuded happiness. Mostly, I think what I’ve described has been pain, tears, and frustration. BUT, along with those things comes a huge sense of pride in whatever it is you have accomplished. And that pride makes you happy – I promise.
So maybe you yourself suffer from a little sadness. Or maybe you suffer from a lot. Maybe you love riding a bike as much I have come to. Or maybe biking isn’t your thing. But find “your thing.” Find whatever it is that makes you just a little bit happier, feel a little bit better, feel at peace. While my depression is currently under control with medication and techniques I’ve learned along the way, riding my bike just makes me that much happier. Which makes me that much healthier.
I can’t remember when I was actually diagnosed with anxiety, but I can look back now and see that I could have been diagnosed much, much earlier. I was a nervous kid. Based on stories I’ve already told you, I’m sure this doesn’t surprise you. I often suffered from stomach issues – usually when we were out somewhere, or when we were getting ready to go somewhere. I believe I have been through every test for stomachs known to man, with no abnormal results. But I can look back now, and see it for what it was. If I didn’t want to go somewhere – stomachache. If I didn’t want to be somewhere – stomachache. I just wanted to be home, and once home, was typically fine.
As I got older, I started experiencing more and more symptoms. Heart palpitations, that rushy feeling that comes over you and makes you clammy, dizziness, and even a couple episodes of fainting (I don’t recommend doing this at a candy store, or on a high school field trip – just trust me on this). Eventually, anxiety was diagnosed, but that wasn’t until I was an adult. Now, I’m able to recognize it coming on, and use some techniques that work for me to keep it at bay or make it go away entirely.
I was an anxiety-ridden mess when learning how to ride a bike. But learning how to ride a bike also taught me a lot about anxiety. What was the worst that was going to happen? (those of us who experience anxiety LOVE to think about the worst thing that could possibly happen). Now, I know that people can get seriously injured while riding a bike, but given that I was moving at speeds just a bit slower than your average turtle, having a slow speed crash and fall was really the worst that could happen. Ok, so I’ve already been in a boot, but again, that really wasn’t that bad. Eventually, I learned ways to calm myself down, even when feeling anxious, on a bike.
But that’s not all. If I’m stressed out, my anxiety level in just about any area tends to shoot off the charts. Headed to work? Anxiety. Going out with friends? Not feeling it… Heading out somewhere where there will be lots of people? God, no. But you know what’s helped? You guessed it – you’re catching on! RIDING MY BIKE! Really, any kind of exercise will decrease your stress and anxiety levels. So for me, going for a ride puts that overwhelming and stressful day behind me. Riding eats up any of my anxiety overflow. Because if you’ve had a good, hard ride, you’re too darn tired and sore to be anxious! Anxiety? What anxiety?!
But in all seriousness, this is just another example of how this passion that I have found is making me a healthier person. It’s teaching me ways to deal, ways to overcome – and not just in the area of bike riding. And if I’m still not learning? Well, there’s always harder rides to REALLY kick my ass!
So what else ya got, you’re probably thinking. Or maybe you’re not, but I’m going to tell you anyway. High blood pressure. You see, I’m an only child, so I couldn’t share bad genes with siblings – my parents had to give me all of them! (Just mostly kidding, mom and dad…). So genetically, I have high blood pressure. I’m on medication for that as well (my husband says I’m the oldest thirty-something year old he knows).
With the medication, my blood pressure came down, but it still wasn’t great. Then I started riding my bike, and riding on the trainer. And my blood pressure reached new lows it’s never before seen! I also had a super-speedy resting pulse rate. The doctors would typically wait awhile, then test it again, because they didn’t believe it could possibly be that high. But surprise! But again – I started riding my bike and riding on the trainer – and my resting pulse rate came down to a more resting-person level as well! Just one more aspect of my life that was starting to see more healthy levels.
So, why am I telling you all of this? Am I whining? Trying to have my own pity party? No, and absolutely not (a pity party would probably just make me anxious…). One of the reasons I’m telling you all of this is to bring awareness and validation to just how much riding a bike can change your life, and your health, for the better. The other reason?
WINTER. How many of you are finding yourselves in a slump? Hands up if you’re beached on the couch, drinking wine, and grazing on cakes, cookies, and candy! (Just me…?) For those of you who ride all year, all weather, I’m going to tell you – winter is here. You may know, as you’re probably putting on more clothing when you ride, but for you, things may not have changed much. For those who are a more fair-weather rider, you couldn’t possibly be any more aware of winter. It’s cold; your nose is running; it’s dark; it’s wet… you get the idea.
Winter is a tough time for cyclists, and this really being my first winter as “a cyclist,” I’m no exception. Riding in the summer is easy, right? You throw on shorts and a jersey, and out you go! But in the winter? You need layers. You have to think about it. What’s the temperature going to be when I start? What’s the temperature going to be when I’m done? How much of what I put on can I reasonably take off if I need to, and where the hell am I going to put it? And vice versa – how much should I carry with me in case I need more clothing? And where the hell is my other leg warmer?!
There’s so much thinking involved – so many what-ifs – it’s exhausting! I get it now, I really do. And between all of that, and the fact that the air hurts your face, it makes it really hard to want to go out there. And just as fall ends, and winter hits, we get hit again. THE HOLIDAYS. So now, not only do we not want to go out there, but it’s just become easier to tell ourselves that we can get on the trainer tomorrow, or next week, but tonight, we’ll finish this cake and that bottle of wine… (Just me again – really?!)
This time of year is HARD. But I think more of us are going through it than not. And you know what? It’s going to be ok. Maybe you’re not going to get back on the trainer or your bike tomorrow. Maybe not even next week. But you will get back to it, because it’s something you love. As hard as it is not to, I really don’t think we need to drag ourselves down with the internal dialogue that we’re not trying hard enough, we’re not good enough, we must not want it bad enough. I don’t think that’s helpful. I don’t think that does anything to motivate us.
If it hasn’t been obvious by some of my remarks, I too struggle with this. I am currently in a slump. But I’ve told myself that January 1, I’m getting back to it (in reality, it will probably be January 2, because who can really start anything on the 1st after staying up the night before, and really, the 2nd is odd this year because it’s a Thursday, and why would you start anything on a Thursday, so it’s really probably going to be January 6th…) and that’s ok! It’s ok to take a break! It’s ok to give ourselves that time to be and feel like a slug! Just as long as you get yourself back up, and get yourself back into it! You’ll appreciate it that much more!!
Motivation is hard – especially when you’ve been away from something for awhile, you’re coming off a holiday, and you’ve eaten your weight in peppermint bark, so I’m not going to lie and say it’s any easier for me, as I sit here on the couch in my pj’s at 3:45 pm. But we always come around, don’t we? So why beat ourselves up in the meantime?
I’m not going to tell you what to do – I have a hard enough time giving myself orders. But these are some things I’m going to try, and maybe they’ll help you too:
- I’m going to put on some extra clothes, and get in some ride time this winter – OUTSIDE.
- Schedule rides with friends – always easier when friends are involved, and you feel more guilty if you bail!
- Keep an eye out on social media, and attend, group rides. Similar to the riding with friends thing – even if you’re not sure you’ll know anyone, sometimes it’s easier to go when someone else has planned the route, and you’re not going by yourself. Plus, once you’ve checked “Going,” it’s like, official, right?
- Start a training plan. For me, this will start on January 6th (probably) and will most likely be on Zwift.
- Set a goal to work towards. For example, if I want to do a century in April, I should probably plan and train for that now, rather than hoping on my bike in April.
I know that I’ll come out of this slump and start back up again because of all the earlier things I talked about in this post. It feels so much better to be healthy and happy. And I know that you too, will come out of your slump, and get back on your bike, in your own good time, whatever that looks like for you. We’ll all get there, I promise. But in the meantime, check on your friends. Reach out. Ask if they want to go for a ride. Your invitation might be what gets them back on track.
And you there, on the couch? Accept your friends’ invites. You’ll have a good time – I promise. And maybe, just maybe, it’s the kick in the pants you need to get yourself back out there. Or back on the trainer.
Care for your friends. Look out for each other. It’s so much what the cycling community is all about, isn’t it?